Speech Is Silver, Silence Is Golden. Thomas Gordon’s No-Lose Method – Theoretical Assumptions, References to Practice

Abstract

Thomas Gordon is the creator of non-authoritarian pedagogy. In it, he speaks out against power relations – the use of force and fear in the contact of the educator (parent, teacher) with the pupil. He believes that the root cause of conflicts between educators and pupils is the use of communication barriers (judging, providing ready-made solutions, lack of empathy). He suggests that the relationship between educators and pupils should be based on respect for each other’s needs, love, and responsibility. He proposes the no-lose method based on the theory of equivalent (symmetrical) interpersonal relations between adults, children, and adolescents. This method equips educators with skills that help them establish proper relationships with their pupils and solve problems in a constructive way. Among these skills, Gordon includes: careful observation of behavior to identify own and pupil’s needs, identifying and accurately naming the problem at hand, using the language of acceptance in conversation, active listening, building a relationship based on mutual respect, resolving conflicts using the no-lose method, and building authority based on personal influence. The no-lose method is partially or fully used at schools, including in prevention and education programs, peer tutoring, and mediation. It is also a way of reducing school violence.